
I haven’t written in a while. You know, life happens.
Today though for some reason I felt like I needed to write. Speak out as it is like a ticking time bomb inside me. The struggles of finances. Now some people might read this and think really now. But this is real. The actual struggle is real.
I have had this phobia with finances for many years. I struggle to save. Struggle to be “wise” with my money to create the suitable retirement that I need. Time is running out and I am starting to go into panic mode. Literally.
I have gone down the personal development route (still), law of attraction, the secret and even Tony Robbins. Don’t get me wrong, they have added immense value to my life and still is. I have made a great deal of changes and adjustments in how I’m living and thinking and approaching things. However, finances stays a struggle.
You see, no one taught me how to be wise with my finances when I grew up. No one showed me how to start early and save, invest and grow my retirement fund from early age. This is not to say I want to blame my parents as they are not financial gurus and they themselves don’t have a great retirement fund. Hence, why we children need to help them to make sure that they are okay.
So what do I really want to say today. I have spent years and especially the last year or two trying to change myself. My way of thinking. My relationship with money. Trying literally anything. Listening to audiobooks. Listening to people online. Taking free financial guidance courses through my bank on how to work wisely with my money. How to shift my focus.
This is freaking hard. I like to spend. Not crazy but I like to buy something if I feel I want to buy something. I have “anxiety” in saving. I feel like if I take this extra spare cash away from myself so that I can’t spend it – I might run into trouble through out the month and I don’t like feeling “trapped” financially. Can you see the catch 22 here?
There has been months where I wasn’t careful enough and according to my “budget spreadsheets” I should be more than fine for the month even when I put money away into savings. So why do I keep running out and don’t make it by the end of the month? I don’t like micromanaging myself. To put every little transaction into a spreadsheet to see where my money is going. It is just crazy. You will spend most of your day just staring at spreadsheets. It can’t be good.
I was so for the last couple of years focused on trying to create “side hustles” as an additional passive form of income, but every attempt I’ve made has failed. As there is really nothing that will just become passive income without putting in the hours. That I don’t have. So is creating these side hustles for additional passive income worth it? Knowing myself, the goal would be to use those funds to pay off all my debts quicker and or to save that to grow my savings faster but then I also know I could spend it because it is just there and the focus can become lost.
I’m trying sleep hypnotherapy, thinking there must be something wrong with my subconscious mind. Why can’t I get over these issues and be more like other people. To be wiser. To be better.
So like most people, I watch YouTube a lot. Like it has most probably become my main TV channel as such. This could be a good thing or a bad thing as there are a lot of YouTubers out there just trying to make money and not keeping the people that supports their channel in mind (having their best interest in mind) so to speak. What do I mean? We have so many young inexperienced YouTubers out there trying to scam and make quick bucks. Selling financial courses to show you how to get rich quick. So I know, there is no get rich quick solution. But due to the impatience, desperation so to speak one tends to gravitate constantly towards this as a form of solution to my problems. I can attest that they have all failed in my case. I have never been able to make anything work. From Shopify online store attempts with drop shipping to trading. It all needs time, education in the field and years of experience and knowledge building this up to make it work. Otherwise, it will fail.
As we know YouTube is my form of TV. So I discovered a guy that speaks about financial freedom and minimalism. He lives a very simple but wonder life. His focus is in the right areas. He makes incredible points. I do enjoy his channel. Can I follow it? This is difficult. One of my biggest issues in life is constantly starting something and not following through on it till the end. I give up. The paradigms and habitual issues are real. Everyday is a struggle with being very consciously aware of what needs to be done and the struggle of executing it.
So what to do. I’m already 43 years of age. I have a good job. I earn a good salary for the country I live in, yet I find myself in a situation where I have more debt than life savings and have nothing to even fall back on if there’s an emergency and or to be able to retire.
How can I change this? I have a financial advisor but he only recommends things to me wisely of course but it is still up to me to do the work. He can’t do it for me.
So what to do. I guess I need to try and set a 365 day challenge for myself. I will need to see if I can try and save – let it compound for the year. See if I can extend the challenge to a second year and then eventually make it a great habit. Will I be able to do it as I’ve tried to challenge myself in fitness, diet and all sorts of things and they have failed. Sometimes I feel like there is something wrong with me. Why can’t I get this right?
Well, maybe this blog will continue forward looking at this journey in finances. Maybe and hopefully I will be able to write again in the future saying I did it. I am on the road to some financial prosperity. That I can get rid of this anxiety of not having enough for retirement. That I’ve changed the course of my future for the better and that I will be okay.
Let’s see if I can make the right choices, changes and adjustments. The pressure is real. I need to lift it and have a happy life without these pressures. I cannot let this drag me down. Something needs to change.
If there’s anyone else out there that is sitting in the same “boat”. Please do comment and or if you have been in the same situation and have managed to make small changes that didn’t feel like huge ‘cold turkey” kind of changes and that it helped you a lot in progressing in your financial stability. Please do comment. Would love to know if I am the only one struggling with this and or if there are other people out there that has gone through this, is still going through this but making progress. Any tips and tricks would def. also be welcome.